Decorating for Christmas
by Sapphire Insanity
Summary: Conan helps Ran put up the Christmas tree, but finds that there are far more emotions and memories involved than he had realised.


**Summary;** Conan helps Ran put up the Christmas tree, but finds that there are far more emotions and memories involved than he had realised.

 **A/N;** Slightly too late for Christmas Day, but I thought I'd put it out anyway. I hope everyone out there had a good Christmas and that your New Year will be fantastic as well. Hope you enjoy!

Conan lowered his book and blinked owlishly at Ran, mind pulling itself forcibly from the story he had just been reading and mulling over what she had just said. She stood patiently and waiting for him to return to the real world; this happened every time she interrupted him in the middle of reading, and she knew by now that it would take just a moment before he could answer her.

Seconds later, his eyes cleared and he frowned slightly.

"Christmas tree?" he repeated.

"Yes," Ran said, smiling. "I'm about to put our Christmas tree up for the year. There's more space down in the office, so I thought I'd decorate it there." She paused for a moment, wondering if he had heard the entirety of her request. "Would you like to help me?"

Conan _had_ heard her, but he suddenly wasn't sure how to answer. For starters, the fact that Christmas was almost upon them meant that he had been in this state for far longer than he had really wanted to be. On top of that... well, it had been some time since he had properly decorated a Christmas tree. After his parents had took off for America, he hadn't really had the heart to do more than put up a small tree and decorate it with a handful of baubles and some tinsel. On the other hand, Ran's Christmas trees were quite large, and very well decorated.

And then there was the fact that Ran had asked him to help with her tree every year since his parents left. He hadn't been able to face it then, and had refused every time, even though he appreciated that she had asked. Christmas time... was just a little lonely for him, the last few years, though he would never, in a million years, tell Ran that; she had her family to spend it with, and he didn't want her to waste time worrying over him.

Still... he looked up at Ran. He was living here this year so... perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to accept this time.

"Alright," he said slowly, closing his book and setting it aside. "Where do we start?"

He knew he had made the right choice, regardless of his own misgivings. Ran looked positively thrilled at his acceptance, meaning that the seemingly-casual request had held far more weight for her then she had let on. Conan dragged himself to his feet, and flushed when she caught his hand and started pulling him out of the room.

"We've got to put all the branches on, first," she said enthusiastically. "Dad's doing that now."

"Ojisan is helping?" Conan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He does the branches every year," Ran explained. "Then he leaves me to decorate it." She beamed. "It's one of our little traditions."

He wondered, for a moment, how this had worked when Eri had lived with them. Had she done the branches or the decorating? Or had Ran taken over her role in the tradition when she had left? He shook the thought from his mind; it wasn't a question he could ask, and it was hardly the time to be thinking it.

"Are there a lot of decorations?" he asked, simply for the sake of it; he already knew that there were.

"A few," Ran said modestly. "We add a piece or two to it every year, so it's a good thing we have a big tree!"

She looked the door to the apartment behind them and then all-but dragged Conan down the stairs. Not expecting it, he almost lost his footing, but managed to regain it before he went tumbling down. Ran didn't even seem to notice, so intent on getting to the tree in the office. She almost slammed the door open in her excitement, and Conan realised that he had never really gotten to see this side of her at Christmas time; that a few simply decorations could make her happy made him glad. There was even a small part of him that sort of wished he had accepted every other year she wanted him to help.

In the office, Mouri looked up just as he was twisting on the last few branches. The tree was quite magnificent already, even though it was bare, and the man smiled slightly at the sight of them.

"You got the brat to help you, then?" he laughed.

"Yes, it's going to be fun, right, Conan?" Ran said, eyes glittering in excitement.

"Yeah," Conan said with a small smile in return.

He felt a little awkward, standing here. He was imposing on this people, after all, for however long it would take before he returned to his own body. This seemed more like a family thing, yet Ran was completely ready to include him in it, in both forms. And it was hard to involve himself with their obvious cheer; when was the last time he had been excited over Christmas decorations? It would definitely have been the last Christmas his parents had spent in Japan...

"That's the last of them," Mouri said, giving the top branches one last twist to secure them and stepping off the ladder he had fetched from somewhere, looking satisfied. "Want me to leave the stepladder here?"

"Yes, please," Ran said with a laugh. "I doubt either Conan or I could reach the top without it."

Conan eyed the tree. He doubted he could reach the top without a lot of strain even in his own body. He turned to Ran to ask what needed to be done first, but she had already disappeared from his side. Swinging around, he was somehow unsurprised to see that she was kneeling beside a cardboard box and rummaging through it.

"Where did we put the star, dad?" she asked.

"Should be in there somewhere," Mouri said with a small frown as he settled himself in his desk chair. "I've already taken the tinsel out, so maybe it got caught in that."

"Okay, Conan, could you look for me?" Ran asked, glancing at Conan over her shoulder.

"Alright," Conan said, eyeing the mound of red tinsel had been dumped on the couch. It was going to be near impossible to untangle that lot, let alone find anything caught in it.

Still, he walked over and went to work at it, surprised when a lot of the tangles fell free after only a moment of worrying at them. He found himself pulling the long strands out, amazed at how long they were. And it was quite pretty, too; thick, red tinsel that sparkled in the light coming through the window. Tiny bits of it dropped to the floor as he carefully dragged it out, laying the pieces so that they were stretched out longways. A part of him noted that this hadn't actually been the job he had been given, but he supposed that this was one way to make sure nothing was caught on it. A feeling of nostalgia washed over him and then he remembered, with a start, that this was what he used to do with the tinsel when he decorated with his parents. It had been a habit that he had abruptly stopped when they left.

It was almost funny, really, how often he was suddenly thinking of them. He didn't spend an awful lot of time musing about his parents and where they were; if they wanted him to know, they would tell him at some point. Pulling out the decorations like this, and looking at the large tree, however, was making him feel a little wistful, bringing up the long buried wish to once more have a Christmas like the one they used to have.

Well, it seemed like he was going to get it, this year.

"Ah, I found it!" Ran cheered, pulling a star free of the box and holding it up. It was a glittering gold star with clips on it to hold it in place. Quickly, Ran almost shot up the ladder and put the star in place, her eyes shining almost as much as it was.

She adjusted it a few times, looking at it from different angles. After a moment, though, she appeared to be satisfied and she dropped down to the floor, beaming.

"Now, the tinsel," she said, clasping her hands together. "Conan, could you...?"

She glanced at him and trailed off. Conan, in the process of pulling a second piece of tinsel straight, glanced up at her with wide eyes, suddenly realising that he couldn't do things the way that he used to right now, not when he was celebrating Christmas with another family's traditions.

The moment passed, however, when she laughed.

"You do that, too?" she asked, delighted. "Shinichi taught me to do that; he said it was easier to put the tinsel on the tree."

With a start, Conan realised that he remembered that. Ran had come around one afternoon, not realising that Shinichi and his parents were in the process of decorating their tree, and she had been very curious upon watching Shinichi stretching the long pieces of tinsel out on the ground.

" _Dad showed me,"_ he had said to her. _"If we do it like this, we can just pick up the end and wrap it around the tree!"_

He hadn't realised, until now, that she had adopted that habit. The thought that she had made him smile fondly, and he turned his head away before she could notice.

Between the two of them, it was easy to wrap the tinsel around the branches. When they were done, they stepped back to admire their handiwork. Already the tree looked very nice, even without any other decorations on it.

"What's next?" Conan asked, and there was a small part of him that was startled to notice how eagerly he asked the question; he had been swept into Ran's enthusiasm, and it was impossible not to mimic it.

"Baubles, next," Ran said, moving back to the box. "Look how many there are here!"

Peering into the box, Conan gaped. When she said that there was a lot of them she wasn't kidding at all! There was a mountain of baubles in there, of all different shapes and colours, as though they sometimes bought a packet of them and just dumped it in there. The only other thing in the box was a plastic bag, though it has impossible to see what was in there.

"What's this one?" he asked curiously, reaching for it.

But Ran pulled it out of his reach before he could touch. Startled, he glanced up at her, but she just winked at him.

"Not yet, Conan-kun," she said. "The decorations in here are special, so they go on last."

The vague answer simply made him want to look in the bag all the more, but he stamped his curiosity down; after all, it wasn't like he would never get to see. Ran would show him what was inside when she was ready.

Though that didn't make the fact that he wanted to know _now_ any better...

"Just pick up any baubles you want and put them on the tree," Ran said, pulling him from his contemplation of the bag that she had set aside. "You can do the lower branches."

He flushed in embarrassment (damn it, he really hated being short again) but nodded as Mouri snorted from his desk. Ran, oblivious, smiled at him and collected a few baubles for herself before getting on the ladder again.

Shooting Mouri a sour look (which he didn't notice, because he had already returned to his paper), Conan looked into the box. For a moment, he felt a little overwhelmed; he had absolutely no idea where to start. There were so many different baubles in here. Carefully, he picked out a few differently coloured ones, and carried them over to the tree.

It was as he stretched out to put the first one on, however, that he found himself pausing. An uncharacteristic unsureness washed over him, and he glanced up at Ran... only to find that she was already looking down at him.

"Go on, Conan-kun," she encouraged.

Frowning slightly, Conan squared his shoulders and put the brightly coloured yellow bauble on the tree. After doing so, he felt a little foolish; it was no different to putting the decorations on his own tree. Ran laughed at his look of consternation and went to get more baubles. She seemed content to just leave him at his own pace now that he had officially started.

Carefully, he put a green bauble on the tree. This was a little different from his own tree. The decorations that he had used in the last three years were all a solid red, and the tree was only about as tall as him at his original height. It had been a long time since he had seen so many differently coloured baubles in one place, and it made him think of the decorations locked away in the attic, gathering dust; the more simple decorations that he had preferred to use for Christmas' by himself were usually put away in a storage cupboard so that he didn't have to go up there and see the others.

This was... fun, though. The baubles clinked gently together as he held them, and his eyes flew around the branches as he started to work faster, making sure that colours that were the same were separated.

He had missed this, he realised. Decorating with someone else... it was why he had gone out to buy simpler decorations when his parents had left rather than using the decorations they already had; the thought of doing it by himself had been painful. Working side-by-side with Ran like this, though, with Mouri looking up every now and then to offer a comment or two... it was peaceful and fun.

The next time he celebrated Christmas, maybe he would get out his old decorations. He was sure Ran would be happy to decorate with him...

He was almost disappointed when they finished. The tree looked magnificent, the baubles adding colour to it that Conan only just realised would have been missing without them. They hadn't used all of them; it would have overloaded the tree and made it look ridiculous rather than tasteful. But they had used a fair amount of them, in the end, and Conan and Ran grinned at one another, proud of their efforts.

Over the course of decorating the tree, Conan had all but forgotten about the plastic bag that had caught his curiosity before. When Ran leaned over to grab it before kneeling on the floor, however, he dropped down with her in interest, somewhat pleased to see that he would finally know what was so special about what was inside.

When Ran tipped the bag upside down, however, a plethora of different objects fell out. Puzzled, Conan scanned them; not a single one of them was a traditional Christmas decoration, so he didn't really understand why they were so special.

Ran laughed at the frown on his face, glee written all over her expression. She didn't say anything, though, almost as though she was waiting for him to work it out for himself. It didn't make any sense, though; there was a small cat figurine there, and even a tiny mug of beer that looked like it had come from a doll's house...

Understanding hit, and he reached out to grab the small mug of beer.

"This is... Ojisan, right?" he asked cautiously.

"That's it!" Ran said, thrilled that he had got it. "These decorations are special, because they represent the special people and events in our life. See, this one?" She held up a key ring with a small replica trophy attached to it. "Dad bought this when I won my first karate trophy. And this one..." She pointed to a tiny police badge. "Mum got that for dad when he became a police officer. And I made this one!"

Proudly, she held up a small circle of clay. It took a moment before Conan realised that it was meant to be a replica of Eri's attorney's badge, and he was startled to realise that he actually _remembered_ when she had made that in class, so long ago.

He looked around at the decorations with new eyes. Every single one of these had a story to tell, and he found himself amazed. He had never known anything like it, but he found that he really liked the concept behind it.

Then one of them caught his attention. Slowly, he reached out to pick it up. It was another key ring, but this one had a small soccer ball attached, not unlike the one on his old phone strap. Looking up, suspicion over what it meant brewing in his mind, he glanced at Ran.

For the first time that day, she looked sad as she regarded the key ring in his hand.

"Of course you would pick that up," she said quietly with a small, tremulous smile. "After all, you like soccer, too, don't you, Conan-kun." She reached out to take the key ring from him, cupping it gently in her hands. "But this one... it's for Shinichi."

He'd already known, even before she said it. There was only two people in her life, right now, who liked soccer enough to be represented by it, and the key ring had looked a little worn, meaning it couldn't have been for Conan.

A lump formed in his throat and he looked down quickly, under the pretence of examining the other decorations. He understood the sadness in her eyes, because it would be the first Christmas since they were children that she and Shinichi had been apart.

All it reminded him of, however, was the fact that they were currently worlds apart, that he had no way to move forwards, to even make her see him the way he wanted her to. Despite the fact that he was right there beside her, helping her put up decorations and participating in her day to day life, there was a giant, dark chasm that yawned between them, and he didn't know how to breach that gap.

"Ah... what's this one for?" Conan asked, swiftly changing the subject by grabbing the nearest object; the cat figurine.

"Oh, that's for mum," Ran said, her eyes brightening slightly. "It's because of Goro."

"...Goro?" Conan glanced at the tiny figurine. "Isn't Goro a Russian Blue?"

"The previous Goro was a calico cat," Ran said with a laugh. She shook her head, shaking off the last vestiges of sadness. "Let's put all these on the tree; I'll tell you what they all mean."

It took longer to put these small decorations up then it had to do the rest of the tree. As they put key rings and figurines and statuettes on the tree, the life of the Mouris unfolded before his very eyes. Competitions, jobs, schooling, friends and family... there was a decoration that was bought for Ran's birth, and even older one that signified Eri and Mouri's marriage. There was a silver shoe, for Sonoko, a little karate uniform (a newer one) for Makoto to go beside it. There was even a hat that looked suspiciously like Megure's, though Mouri denied emphatically buying it for that reason.

There were certain ones, however, that snuck in when he was least expecting it, memories that he had been part of and, thus, was included in the retelling. The worst, however, was the little magnifying glass that Ran confessed to having bought when he solved his first public case; she had meant to give it to him, but it had ended up on the tree instead, which she hoped to one day show her childhood friend.

And then there were the newest decorations, along with Makoto's. A pink bow, a little notebook and what looked like an eel... it took a moment before Conan realised that they belonged to his three friends. There was even a little snowflake that Ran sheepishly said was meant to be for Haibara; she hadn't know what to get to represent her, but the snowflake, cold yet beautiful and gentle, seemed to suit her. And for Conan...

"Ta-dah!" Ran said, proudly showing off the last decoration. "This one is for you, Conan-kun!"

It was single key ring, but two things dangled off it, and Conan wondered where she had managed to get it. A tiny pair of black glasses dangled off one chain while another magnifying glass, this one gold rather than silver, gently clinked against it every time it moved. Stunned, Conan looked up at Ran.

"I know you like mysteries too, Conan," Ran said warmly. "So this one is yours."

She got on the ladder and then, to Conan's shock, she put it right with the ones at the top of the tree, between Ran's and Mouri's key rings, with Eri and Shinichi's on either side. Family, Ran had told him, went right up the top, though she had flushed when Mouri questioned why Shinichi was up there every year.

This time, though, Mouri didn't say anything, which Conan found himself expecting. The man watched her put the key ring on the tree, and then grunted in approval before turning his attention away again.

"Done!" Ran exclaimed before Conan could recover, and he scrambled to pull himself together as she turned to beam at him. "Thank you for helping, Conan-kun."

"It's... alright," Conan said with a weak smile, inching toward the door. "I'm going to go back to my book now."

And, despite how cowardly it made him feel, he fled before she could say anything else. That was... too much. It was funny, because he really had enjoyed himself, though there had been a lingering pain within him that reminded him that _this_ was what he had missed most when his parents had left. And yet, in a form not his own, he had finally celebrated Christmas again and...

He couldn't even do it as himself.

For years Ran had been attempting to persuade him to help her decorate her tree, likely worried about him being lonely and wanting to show him all her special decorations. It was somewhat ironic that she had managed to finally get his help without even realising it.

Suddenly, even though Conan listened to Mouri laugh at something Ran said in the office as he reached the apartment door, he felt lonelier than ever. Mouri and Ran had completely accepted him as part of their family, despite the way the older detective would grumble, but they didn't even know who he was. The fact was clearer to him right at that moment then it ever had been before. He had never expected to stay so long, so it should never have come down to this.

Bu it had. And now he had found himself enfolded in a family that he would eventually have to leave.

He gritted his teeth as he made his way into the apartment. Perhaps that was what was getting at him. He always felt the absence of his parents more keenly at this time of the year than at any other time. Then there was the fact that he was still so far away from living a normal life again.

Still...

There were positives, too, even if he didn't really want to consider them right now. He wasn't alone this Christmas, after all, and he didn't have to do everything himself and occupy himself so that he didn't think about what he _didn't_ have. He was here with Ran, even if she didn't know who he actually was. His situation might not be entirely ideal, but at least he was _alive_ to celebrate Christmas. And there were people all around him that wouldn't think twice about dragging Conan out of a funk if he fell into one around them.

Slowly, Conan leaned against the door and let out a deep breath. This time of year would be painful, because it would just remind him of how time was passing him by and how far away his goal seemed. But perhaps it would be alright to ignore all of that just for a little while. This would be the first Christmas that he had celebrated properly in years.

"Conan-kun!" Ran suddenly called up the stairs. "I'm sorry, but I need your help with something again!"

For a moment, Conan stood in the one spot, not moving. Then he smiled slightly and opened the door.

"I'm just coming!" he called back.

His life wasn't back to normal, but perhaps that was alright for now. He was here, now, with the people he cared for, and who cared for him in return. So maybe it was okay to enjoy this Christmas just a little, regardless of everything else.

And when he returned to his own body, when he was allowed to finally be who he wanted to be, then he would have a memory that he could look back on fondly, even in the midst of the darkness that surrounded his life right now.

That, alone, made all of this worth it.


End file.
